In doing research for the topic of modesty, I stumbled across this very controversial survey, The Modesty Survey. The Modesty Survey is an anonymous discussion between Christian guys and girls on the topic of modesty. Apparently hundreds of Christian girls contributed to the 148-question survey and over 1,600 Christian guys submitted 150,000+ answers, including 25,000 text responses, over a 20-day period in the year of 2007. Usually you would think this is a dream come true for Christian women to be able to pick a Christian man’s brain on such a controversial issue. Initially in 2007 it was a hit and now the women who had contributed along with other men who had participated in the survey now feel that it was the worst thing that they could have done.
After reading the views of both parties, I want to encourage you to read the points of view and form your own personal opinion of the survey. The links posted below are from one of the females and one of the males that took part in conducting the survey.
Personally, I felt that there was nothing wrong with the survey conducted because the women submitted the questions and got a chance to understand the male perspective on modesty. It is a survey and a survey is based solely on personal opinion, whether right or wrong. You as an individual must distinguish between what is right or wrong based on your moral point of view. Many of those who are in opposition are ripping this survey to shreds implying that men are telling women how to dress, that women should dress solely for men to control their lust and that men have no responsibility in controlling their lust. If this is the context in which the survey was conducted there are issues that need to be addressed. However, I have read some of the questions, results and responses and have smiled at some of it but I know that they are based on personal opinion. I thought it would be fun to post a few questions and see the responses to get the male perspective on the matter. Modesty to me is composed of more than just a physical aspect but also a spiritual aspect. I do believe that with the Holy Spirit as your guide, you will know what to put on spiritually and physically. I will address physical modesty in the near future. Randomly I will post a few questions with the results and also some text responses from the men that I found interesting on that particular question. Enjoy! You can read more on the survey and results here at: http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse
1) Modesty is important for all girls, regardless of height, weight, build, etc.
Age
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Comments
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12
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Yes, definitely. An ugly girl, or a short girl, or a model can all dress immodestly. And regardless, they are a stumbling block to us.
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16
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As I have said before, modesty is of the heart, not the body, I think that every girl, woman and lady should have a modest attitude and dress.
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18
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No matter what a girl looks like, she will always be appreciated and taken seriously more if she dresses modestly.
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20
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Yes! I believe it is important for a girl to be chaste and virtuous no matter who you are, or how "beautiful" you are considered to be.
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25
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Modesty in terms of dress and conduct is an expression of the inner-self. All Christians should be striving to be more Christ like, and I think in girls this manifests itself one way in modesty.
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28
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Modestly goes far over physical attributes: it's a style, a way of living, a way of being. There is modest (and immodest!) clothes for any and all women
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30-34
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Modesty depends on so many things that in the absence of skin, a certain kind of walk or certain facial expressions combined with suggestive remarks will do just fine. After all, Queen Latifah is a sex symbol. In a bathing suit competition, she wouldn't stand a chance. So, she must qualify on other grounds.
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35-39
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Again, modesty is a whole package - body language, clothing, attitude, poise, etc. Any girl can be modest or immodest
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40-49
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Yes, it's important for all girls. Differences of height, weight, build, etc. dictate different clothing choices, of course.
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2) Guys notice whether a girl dresses modestly or not.
Age
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13
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I have to avert my eyes so often nowadays because of the clothing they wear. It is such a relief to be able to not have to turn my face away when I see a girl dressed modestly.
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16
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I am looking for a wife. Modesty is a big thing in my search. If a girl dresses modestly, it shows me that she is leaving it to God to choose her husband for her, so therefore there is no need to 'advertise'. If a girl dresses immodestly, however, then that shows me that she has not given everything to God, and is trying to attract guys to her in order to find a husband that way. OK, so I might be wrong, but that is how it is interpreted to me.
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20
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Time and time again I will be talking to some guy friends and I will see their eyes lock onto something, I turn around and there is a girl in immodest clothing. So, yes, more often than not, sadly guys notice the immodestly dressed. I have tried to notice and compliment those who dress modestly, but honestly, it is hard to find people to compliment.
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25
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Whether consciously or unconsciously, clothes send messages and people pick them up. Modesty in dress strongly affects how men and women treat each other and the kind of interactions they have.
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26
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Absolutely. Especially, or particularly Christian guys who are trying to follow God. They appreciate it. There will be guys who think less of a girl for dressing what they may perceive as 'plainly', but quite frankly, that attitude would betray them as shallow and a girl shouldn't worry about that opinion. You don't have a duty to show other people your body.
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28
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For those who values modesty, a girl dressed that way is nice and rare. For those who don't, she look frumpy and common. But in both case, guys will notice her because she is different from mainstream.
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30-34
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Men are vision-oriented. We may not remember what you wore exactly, but we do remember how you looked.
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35-39
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Guys notice everything along those lines, for better or worse. We're just wired that way. The question, of course, is what we do about what we notice.
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40-49
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Yes indeed, guys notice. It is mostly likely the first thing they notice.
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3) Modesty is an important quality for your future wife to have.
Age
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Comments
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17
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If a girl is going around half-naked there's no way I'd ever marry her. Period. If it's been advertised to everybody else why do I want it?
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18
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I want to marry a woman who has come to the conviction that she should guard and save her body for her husband - not one who will share it with every man who sees her.
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20
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If she cannot respect her own body, how can she respect me? If she is immodest she is not worth it because fleeing from sin is far more important. I refuse to date anyone who wears a 2-piece swimsuit. No exceptions! I will only consider dating a girl who has noble character.
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20
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I don't know how I can say this strongly enough. I don't want to marry someone who looks like they have tried to sell themselves to every guy they have ever met!
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21
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Definitely! I think it is an outward expression of inward beauty! Now I don't expect her to dress like grandma but I expect her to dress in a way that respects who she is in Christ. :)
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22
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I believe modesty is one way for a woman to show that she is committing herself to her husband. She is saying that he is the only one who is going to have the opportunity to enjoy her physical beauty. That would mean a lot to me.
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27
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I may be sounding jealous, but I do want my wife to reveal herself to me only. I may be wrong for that.
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30-34
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I'm married and, yes, it is very important. I want her to be naked and unashamed, and am very happy for her to be quite immodest in dress and demeanor at home. But, I very much want to protect that and cover her when we're out.
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30-34
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The fact that my wife has saved so much of herself for me is really special. While we were getting to know each other her modestly let me know she was serious about bringing every area of her life in submission to Christ and that she cared about me and my spiritual growth.
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40-49
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If she's using that kind of bait to hook you, why would she stop after catching her first fish?
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50+
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Why would a husband want his wife to advertise herself to other men?
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4) You have less respect for an immodest girl than for a modest one.
Age
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Comments
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13
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A girl who is immodest seems like she is trying to get attention whereas modestly dressed girls are nice to be around and I don't have to struggle with any bad thoughts around them.
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15
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Depends on if they are Christian or not. A non-Christian I don't expect a high standard of modesty, but as for a Christian girl, I do.
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16
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Sure! When a girl who claims to be a Christian is dressing immodestly she has automatically lost most of my respect. I think that she either has not read the scriptures and seen that God requires modesty, or does not care, or has found a way to rationalize her clothing. She is also either clueless about how her clothing affects men or does not care. This may sound harsh, but I have very little respect for a woman who is any of the above. (As a parenthetical remark, for a new believer I give a hair of grace. But the longer she waits to change her dressing habits, the less respect I have for her.) Conversely, I have great respect for a woman that dresses modestly; she is obeying her LORD, showing love to her brothers, and standing against the wickedness in our culture.
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18
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I have a hard time respecting a girl who is showing herself off, but a girl who is dressed to cover and save herself immediately gains my respect - these girls are more noble and feminine in my opinion.
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20
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Do I really have to explain this? A modest girl shows respect for herself in that she doesn't have to try and bait me into pursuing her by activating the visual response system in my male brain AND shows respect for me so I don't have to fight off devouring her sexually in my mind. If the girls even knew what goes on in the men's mind around them....Also, a woman who is secure enough that she doesn't need to try and bait me with her body and depends on her personality and natural beauty is typically going to be a stronger individual.
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21
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My respect for a girl doesn't change based on her dress or her morality; but I am definitely less attracted to an immodest girl.
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23
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This mostly depends on the attitude that I can see behind the appearance. Immodest appearance can range from bad timing, to lack of understanding, to blatant disrespect.
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26
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This is not to say I pronounce judgement on an immodest girl. On the contrary, my heart breaks for a girl who feels that she must be immodest to find affirmation and "love" from men. However, I do feel that I am being less respectful to the girl when I begin to think impure thoughts about her. The definition of the word respect is important here. I respect the person, but I am acting disrespectfully with my thoughts.
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29
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Respect should be given to every one, regardless of their behavior. There is no person on this earth better than another for all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.
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30-34
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Yes I do have less respect for a girl who is immodestly dressed. When one is dressed immodestly it says, "I have low standards, and not much in the way of character." When one is dressed modestly it says, "I have higher standards, and I know how you guys think, so I'm being careful not only for myself, but for you too."
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40-49
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I have less respect for a person who has less respect for herself.
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40-49
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I would try to be equally respectful, understanding how strong society's influence is. Nevertheless, I have greater natural respect for modest girls.
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40-49
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If I think she is unaware, I feel sorry for her. If I think she knows what she is doing, I am ashamed for her.
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50+
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Yes. A signal is being sent. A clear message is being presented. An immodest girl seems to be advertising herself; presenting an open invitation to sex. The idea created is that she is "on the make". A harlot.
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5) Character, intelligence, and personality are more important than physical beauty.
Age
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Comments
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14
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While it can't be denied that physical attractiveness plays a large role in courtship/dating/romance, a beautiful woman without discretion is like a swine with a ring in its nose.
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16
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No solid Christian guy - (or to put it another way, no guy worth having) - would ever say anything different.
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17
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Yes, physical beauty is attracting to me, but there are billions of attractive girls out there. Very few are extremely serious about there faith. If all I cared about was sex and other physical actions, then I would probably care most about looks. I want a friend. A sister who will draw me closer to God and I her. Someone who is willing to do ministry with me. As I mature more in my faith the more godliness attracts me. Looks might get my attention, but a strong faith will get me to fall in love.
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18
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Definitely! However, the average person on the street won't realize this, and even I admit I will probably be very tempted to give attention to an physically beautiful girl FIRST. However, if she is ugly inside, it is very quickly obvious, and her body quickly loses its attractiveness! The person with inward beauty becomes more and more beautiful physically, also!
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21
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I will completely look pass a super model with no character for an average girl with amazing character. I think the more you get to know them the more physically attractive they become. But I do think it is important for girls to take care of themselves, God made us visual creatures because he wanted us to be inspired by beauty to completely disregard that is to disregard God's intent in creating girls beautiful. :)
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24
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Character, intelligence, and personality have MUCH more longevity than physical beauty (i.e., will you still want to be married to the person in 50 years?)
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26
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I have been with physically beautiful women who were unable to hold my attention because they lacked character and respectable personality. I have been very attracted to intelligent women with amazing character, despite being physically unspectacular.
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26
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Godliness in a woman, a beautiful spirit - in service, purity, joy and peace etc. - the fruits of the Spirit, are vital and what make a woman very attractive to a godly man. That being true, to say physical beauty is unimportant or that the desire to find one's wife attractive is shallow is wrong. God created physical beauty. The interesting thing is that a man can be absolutely in love with, and find very attractive (and thus physically desire his wife) when she is beautiful internally. The internal things are vital and can override a lack of great beauty. The most beautiful face and body cannot make up for a lack of internal beauty. A woman shouldn't show a lack of concern for physical things though. She should take care of herself and rejoice in her attractiveness.
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29
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Hollywood and cultural imply that the dumb blondes are the most sought after, and perhaps they are sought after by some, but not the kind of guy you are hoping to attract.
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30-34
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Absolutely! My wife isn't what "the average guy" considers "pretty" or "sexy", but who she really is makes her a very beautiful person to me..
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40-49
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You love the whole person, not just the mind only, or the body only. A guy will love her as a whole; body, mind, and spirit.
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40-49
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After 50 years of marriage, physical anything is shot. You better get the other stuff first.
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Until next time ladies!
Daughter of the King!
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